Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
