My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
