while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize