if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
