I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize