Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
