Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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