Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
