haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wish I only lived at night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
