I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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