Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
