Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize