We won't sleep together?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
