before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
