I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
