Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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