oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Everything about him screamed your future.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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