Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
