I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
