remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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