Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
