Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize