I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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