I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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