alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
