when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
