So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
