Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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