I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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