I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize