i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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