So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
