Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
