You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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