K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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