Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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