So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
