the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize