...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
