Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
