You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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