I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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