Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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