look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
