I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
