I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
