i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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