It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
