I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
