I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Randomize
