Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize