I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
