she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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