You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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