Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
