Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
