Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
