Someone shit on the floor
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
