he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
