Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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