Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
