he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
