Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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