I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
