this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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