His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this just has baby written all over it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
