She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
