sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
