when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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