Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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