he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
