omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize