Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
