She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
