i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
