Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
